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When meeting someone for the first time it can be very tempting to ask questions about your dating and relationship history. It is safe to say that if the two of you are on a date, your last relationship was not successful and you haven’t struck gold in the dating world either…yet! Delving right in to why things didn’t work with previous relationships and what a hard time it has been to find a quality match will not put you or your date in a position to show the best in yourselves.
“Chances are you are mulling over the potential red flags.”
This may seem obvious, but all too often it is this very culprit that is the demise of many a budding romance. This topic of dating and relationships invariably arises because the two of you have one commonality—you are both single. Often times, we share anecdotes about quirky exes or “horror stories” from past dates with humor. It all seems harmless during your interaction because you can relate to each other in some ways. We all have history! But what happens when your date ends? Chances are you are mulling over the potential red flags your date shared about their past on the car ride home.
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The attitude that “getting it all out in the open” right away is a defense mechanism for being disappointed in the end. Taking the time to get to know more about your date’s hobbies, career and upbringing on your first few dates will be more helpful in gathering information to decide if things are headed in the right direction. Approaching things this way will ensure that you are looking for the reasons why things could work out, as opposed to why they couldn’t or shouldn’t. Chemistry will-or won’t- begin to develop over the course of your date as well, and that can be determined largely in part to the topics of conversation you choose. If you are talking about things that make you happy, you will send out positive body language. You will smile, laugh, and use your arms and hands while you chat. This is much more attractive than frowning, slouching, avoiding eye contact and arm folding, which we often do when talking about things that make us feel uneasy.
“there are things that are much more fun and interesting to talk about.”
So how do we dodge the hard-hitting questions and stick to the fun and flirty? First and foremost: Don’t take yourself or your date too seriously. If your date asks any variation of the question “Why are you single?” resist the urge to go into detail-or worse-get defensive. It’s best to laugh a little and say something along the lines of “Things haven’t worked out for me yet, but I’m really optimistic that they will. I’m having a lot of fun getting to know people until the right guy/girl comes along, though.” Then follow up with a question related to a commonality you share with your date to steer the topic of conversation away from your dating life like, “So, I saw that you are a pretty accomplished skier! Where is your favorite place to go?” Hopefully your date will take the hint, but if not, it’s okay to be a little more direct in saying that you really feel it is best to stay off the topic for the time being because there are things that are much more fun and interesting to talk about. Just remember to smile when you say it!
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Match of the Month What Luz Says
"Larry and I met on my very first dinner party. He came late which made me wonder about him at first, but as the evening progressed I could tell that he was a genuine, caring man. He was able to make his way over to sit next to me and by the end of the night I could tell that he was someone special. We exchanged numbers and went out on our first date that week. From there it has been a whirlwind. I am falling in love for the first time in 10 years and it feels amazing-and surreal. We have so much fun together! On the Fourth of July we invited Nancy, who was on the dinner party that Larry and I met, to the Hollywood Bowl and we had a blast. Larry has met my daughter and all of my friends and they all love him. How could they not? He is charismatic, funny, and thoughtful. This weekend Larry presented me with a promise ring. It’s beautiful.
Thank you so much to all of you for bringing him into my life!"
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What Larry Says
"I met many wonderful people over a two year span at Table For Six. Didn't quite find that one person who sparked my dormant fires. Until...I met Luz, a brand new member to T46. This was her first table. Since Anni and Jessica came on board they really have been true to their word regarding quality introductions. What the heck...I arrived slightly late (never a good idea). I said my hellos and committed the names of the group to memory immediately (always a good idea.)...and there at the other end of the table she was. Beautiful, charismatic, stylish. And I hadn't even spoken to her yet. I made my way to her. She smiled. Her conversation was cultured, intelligent, and humorous. The thunderbolt hit me. We started dating/ getting closer/becoming friends/ falling in love.
Thanks, Anni - Thank you -Jessica
My Dreams have been eclipsed by an even greater reality."
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Matchmaker's Tip
"When we’re dating it is important to stay in touch with how you feel about each person you meet as opposed to their list of qualifications. The reason being that sometimes you meet someone who has everything you are looking for on paper, yet may not give you the warm fuzzy feelings you had hoped for. On the flip side, you meet someone who is quite different from what you had envisioned for yourself that makes you feel like a million bucks when you are around them. Take the extra time with people who make you feel good about yourself and who you have fun being around. The way that you feel with someone is the key to determining if they will be a good long-term partner for you. One way to make sure you are in touch with how you really feel is to keep a journal while you are dating. When you get home from your date, write down how things went, focusing on how you felt about specific events on your date. This way if you have questions about how things are going with your budding romance you can reflect back on your initial thoughts. Most importantly, go with your gut and investigate every possibility until your gut gives you a strong yes or no."
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