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Playing
the Field
Have you ever asked yourself “Is it okay to date more than one person?” at Table For Six we say “Absolutely!”
“You don't have to have strong initial
feelings that someone is relationship material before you decide on a second date.” The best way to find out if a person is right for you is to spend
more time with them. Investigate every possibility until your
gut gives you a yes or a no. If you leave a first date feeling
curious about someone, be open to the opportunity to go out
again. Don't worry too much about leading someone on. Being a
good dater is about good communication, so if you don’t want to
lead someone on, don’t! Most people would always prefer to be
given another chance. By going out multiple times you won’t
have any lingering ‘what if…’ feelings later on.
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You don't have to have strong initial feelings that someone is relationship material before you
decide on a second date. Worst case scenario, you decide they’re not right for you. Best case,
you like the person more and go on a third date! In any case, you stay busy and have nice night
out on the town. Sometimes you may even meet someone that you just have a really great time
with, but the two of you know that there isn’t much possibility of things developing into a
relationship. That’s okay! It’s always nice to have someone to try a new restaurant and a movie
with.
“The last thing you want to do is settle
- you’ve worked hard to be where you are”
In the event that you know for sure you don't wish to spend more time with someone let them
know either by phone or email. Something like: "I had a nice time getting to know you, but I
don't feel that the chemistry I am looking for in a long time relationship is there for us. Thank
you for a nice time--I wish you all the best!" will do. It may or may not sting a little at first, but
they will be glad to know that they are free to focus elsewhere, and you will too!
Be responsive. If someone were to greet you in person you wouldn’t ignore them! So if you get
a text, call or email respond as soon as you are able. Calls should be returned within 24 hours
and, because texting is instantaneous, take a second to respond even if to say that you aren’t
able to chat now, but that you will follow up at X time. The clock ticks a lot slower when you are
waiting for a response!
The most valuable aspect of dating multiple people is that you have the ability to contrast and
compare qualities that you feel will or won’t be right for you over time. You are also less likely
to jump right in to the first thing that comes along because you are just tired of not being in a
relationship. The last thing you want to do is settle - you’ve worked hard to be where you are
and you deserve to choose the best partner you can find.
So when is it not okay to date more than one person? If you get the feeling that the person you
are seeing would not be comfortable with you going on a date with someone else, talk to them
before you do. That goes both ways too, so if you feel uncomfortable with the idea that they
might be seeing other people you should gently bring up the subject. You both might feel the
same way and decide to be an item!
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Match of the Month What Daphne Says
"Jon and I have been going strong since our dinner party 4 months
ago. We just returned from a weekend trip to San Diego to celebrate
that we are an official item. We are having so much fun together and
pretty much want to spend every moment we can together. He is so
sweet and kind, he makes me laugh and my mom can’t wait to meet
him. I promise to post some photos of us soon. I can’t deny that we
make a pretty cute couple. Thanks so much Anni and Jessie- We’re
both so happy to have met through this!"
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What Jon Says
"I was so lucky to have met Daphne on my very first table for six. She actually teases me that I had it so
easy, haha! That’s actually one of the things I like the most about her…she is so funny and catches me off
guard with her wit constantly. She has a really sweet look about her so it’s very unexpected! The chemistry
between us is just fantastic and we have a hard time staying away from each other, honestly! I didn’t expect
for things to come together so naturally, it’s awesome to feel this way about someone again."
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Matchmaker's Tip
"Meeting a variety of people is a healthy and fun dating practice, but try to keep physical intimacy PG-rated
until you both feel that you are ready to be exclusive. If you have really powerful sexual chemistry this might
be a challenge, so keep your interactions public…watching a DVD and cooking dinner in is the perfect venue
for things to get hot and heavy! Holding hands, cuddling, and smooching are fun and establish that you two
are more than just friends and will certainly keep you entertained while allowing adequate time to bond
emotionally. By the time you do get to the grand finale you will feel less self-conscious and will feel secure
knowing that you are definitely going to see each other again!"
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